The Radio Equalizer: Brian Maloney

27 December 2006

Al Franken, Star-Tribune, The Underworld


Franken Makes List Of 'Hell-Bound' Celebs

After taking a look at the kind of lefty foolishness that is deemed fit to print in the Minneapolis Star- Tribune, it's no wonder McClatchy Newspapers has just taken a huge bath on their investment in the publication.

For a great example, check out this review of what appears to be a new "progressive" book that attempts to spoof religious conservatives. Other than to advance a partisan agenda and smear the right, was there any real reason to write this piece?

Evangelical author names names, and Franken made No. 3

By C.J., Star Tribune

If author Joel Kilpatrick has it right, the only Minnesotan who has brimstone with his name on it is Al Franken.

We're talking the hell, not Hell, Mich., not Merry Hell, Miss., and not Hell's Gate, British Columbia.

Kilpatrick has written a book, "A Field Guide to Evangelicals & Their Habitat." It includes a handy-dandy alphabetical list of people (and groups) who are headed to hell, and the Minnesota comedian, radio personality, "SNL" and Blake School alum and possible Senate candidate comes in at No. 3. That's right after ACLU members and right before Barbra Streisand.

Franken could not be reached for comment.

Kilpatrick writes: "Evangelicals believe in many things: the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, church attendance, home-schooling, Fox News, abstinence, personal holiness, toupees, leisure suits, mission work, Dockers, golf, spanking and dinner, early and often. But the natural starting point for identifying evangelicals by their beliefs is with their best-known doctrine: hell.

"Evangelicals believe certain people are going to hell -- you, for example, unless you already happen to be an evangelical. But behind the hellfire and brimstone talk are core beliefs ... # 1 Every person has an obligation to accept Jesus as his or her personal savior ... # 2 Jesus is coming back soon, probably tomorrow ... # 3 If you have neglected Core Belief # 1, and Jesus does indeed come back tomorrow, you are going to hell."

The list of others accompanying Franken to hell is star-studded and even, depending on your religiosity, holier than thou: Catholics, the Dalai Lama, Mormons, Michael Moore, the Clintons, Dan Rather, divorce lawyers, Hollywood types, SpongeBob SquarePants, Ron Reagan Jr., the Osbournes, the New York Times staff.

And the only suspected hell-bound traveler worth pulling for is: O.J. Simpson.

Evangelicals, Jews for Jesus, Ronald Reagan and Mel Gibson are heaven-bound. Mel Gibson? Maybe that's why Kilpatrick is billed as an evangelical with a sense of humor.

Ron Reagan Jr? We thought he'd disappeared into soggy Seattle obscurity. And how did Jerry Springer get left off the list? Even the trashmeister himself admits he'll be headed downstairs someday.

Funny enough, at least one Star- Tribune reader missed the apparent joke (hey, we're not 100% sure about it, either), which resulted in this letter being published:

Letter of the day: And this earns Franken damnation?

C.J.'s Dec. 26 column features a book that says Al Franken is on a list of people headed for hell.

I'll leave it to the Higher Power to decide who's slated for eternal damnation. But, based in part on how he spent the last couple of weeks, if Franken is going to hell, well, then it may not be such a bad place.

Franken just returned to the United States on Christmas Eve after performing in a USO tour in Southwest Asia. Franken went to places that some might consider close to hell to bring cheer and humor to U.S. servicemen and women stationed in war zones.

I should be so lucky to have such service on my epitaph.


If there was a case for liberal talk show hosts to be doomed to eternal damnation, wouldn't it have something to do with standing by and watching a children's charity get raided so that their paychecks wouldn't bounce?

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  • "Franken could not be reached for comment."

    Hey Maloney, maybe Franken could not be reached due to the fact he's visiting our troops for the 4th time in Iraq!

    By Blogger Iraq War Veteran, at 27 December, 2006 18:33  

  • Thanks for demonstrating why "homeschoolers" should be removed from their parents, installed in proper schools, and their parents incarcerated....

    By Blogger hashfanatic, at 27 December, 2006 18:43  

  • After reading your garbage I noticed the letter from Rich Dietman, Rochester. How dare you attack a man for going to Iraq while your pussy-ass nonvolunteering sits back on a nice cushy seat typing away. Why don't you get your buddies Malkin and Imgraham and go down to the local military recruiting station and sign up. Atleast go sign up for the USO Tour and visit our fighting men and women. How about going to an Airport and just welcome them home. Do you even offer your first-class seat on an Airplane to our Troops? How about buying them a drink as you sit and wait at the airport? If thats too much for you, How about just saying "Thank You"

    By Blogger Iraq War Veteran, at 27 December, 2006 18:46  

  • Hashfanatic, I hope that comment is directed at Maloney!

    By Blogger Iraq War Veteran, at 27 December, 2006 18:47  

  • (Laughing) Yes, it is, and all of his toadies and lackeys!!

    By Blogger hashfanatic, at 27 December, 2006 21:21  

  • I smell sock puppetry or a Andy Sullivan style love connection here

    BTW "Vet" where did you deploy and What was your MOS?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 27 December, 2006 22:56  

  • Ha, ha, another fakeass warrior!

    By Blogger hashfanatic, at 27 December, 2006 23:03  

  • Dunn, where did YOU deploy?

    Valley Forge, perchance?

    The far side of Area 51?


    By Blogger hashfanatic, at 27 December, 2006 23:40  

  • Yeah, Pudge, associating yourself with a drooling Jesus Freak is a great way to show your some kinda talk radio authority. Of course it was because the guy was zinging Franken, your nemesis, but as has been mentioned here, none of you rightwingers can touch Franken right now because HE IS IN IRAQ PUTTING HIS LIFE IN DANGER ENTERTAINING THE TROOPS YOU SENT THERE TO DIE!

    The Washington Post website published in 2003 The Chickenhawk List which proved that every right wing supporter of this war was either a cowardly Vietnam draft dodger or refused to serve, while most of the Democrats speaking passionately against the war like Gephardt, Daschle, Kerry, etc. had served or were war heroes. This woke half the military up to what chickenhawk frauds you are.

    Right now a third of soldiers are coming home a different person with PTSD. But unlike Vietnam we're not taking the chance that America learned it's lesson this time, so top bloggers are soon opening "Maps to the NeoCon Chickenhawks Homes" which will be distributed to every returning Iraqi vet, so they can go directly to the homes of the NeoCon chickenhawks and their most vocal supporters to express their first and second amendment rights.

    Let's here from some more of you right wing chickenhawks so we can make sure you are on the map.

    By Blogger gregrocker, at 27 December, 2006 23:58  

  • And the missing soldiers have been found killed in Iraq....

    Explain to us again what noble cause our soldiers died for.

    By Blogger hashfanatic, at 28 December, 2006 00:10  

  • Correction: Miller was referring to ANOTHER group on a "best of" (idiot she is), but the question stands:

    What do you neocons think our troops are fighting for, HERE and NOW?

    Let THEM see your reasons.

    And let's see if you have the courage to admit your real motivations.

    By Blogger hashfanatic, at 28 December, 2006 00:16  

  • The book sounds like it was written by a sociopathic child molester. Reagan going to heaven??????? Murderous scumbags do not go to heaven, Dali Lama going to hell?? Only a fringe radical anti-American anti-Jesus freak would read this book. I personally would not use this book to pick up dog crap, I use the NY post for that !
    This blog is hysterical, it shows how irrelevant the radical right has become, when a site registers 1000 hits a day, and most of them are "progressives" mocking the author and his insanity, you can call it a FAILURE.
    The radical right are the ones who are anti-Jesus, they have urinated all over his message.

    By Blogger Minister of Propaganda, at 28 December, 2006 09:44  

  • I see the leftie hate patrol has shown up in full force. Keep it up. All you are proving is that you lefties are hate filled, venomous malcontents that should be ignored as mentally ill children.

    By Blogger PCD, at 28 December, 2006 10:24  

  • PCD
    America is largely ignoring YOU and the radical right these days.

    Muslim's gonna get ya!!!

    By Blogger Minister of Propaganda, at 28 December, 2006 10:51  

  • WPDUNN: Mosul, 62b30, anything else? Would you like to see my DD214 or maybe my ERB (formally known as the 2A and 2-1)?

    By Blogger Iraq War Veteran, at 28 December, 2006 11:03  

  • Right now, unless WTKK or WRKO can be convinced to carry a couple of the Air America or Jones shows, "progressive talk" is dead in the water in Boston (well, if you don't count NPR).

    A yahoo group started by the moonbats to bring it back is discussing options like
    convincing Clear Channel (WXKS/WKOX
    owner) to drop Spanish and go back to AAR (fat chance), trying to convince other stations to air it (maybe one
    with a very weak signal!) or buying a station. Hah! Maybe John & Teresa can put the money up.

    One post suggested that "Norm (sic) Chomsky" be contacted. A reply, with tongue firmly in cheek, followed: Oh yeah, he's the guy on Cheers who hangs around at the bar denouncing Israel...

    By Blogger raccoonradio, at 28 December, 2006 11:41  

  • Candidly? Boston's working-class neighborhoods have been so gentrified out of existence, to a point where such audiences, which would form the bedrock of progressive radio's terrestrial listenership, simply don't exist in the numbers one would naturally expect.

    In addition, many of the old-guard everyday folks choose to identify with their neocon oppressors, because of extremely negative past experiences with local Democratic machine politics.....The wise ones trust no one.

    Boston is not an average American city that way.

    By Blogger hashfanatic, at 28 December, 2006 12:05  

  • Minister of Poop,

    Keep on with your delusion. Soon the men in the white coats will take you back to your room.

    SSgt, You will soon find out that people will appreciate your service, but that does not immunize you from being called on your partisanship, your bullying, and your stupidity. If you are so open with your records, how about your fitness reports? I'm wondering if you are one of the Clinton era middle managers that are being swept out of the services for the good of the unit as some of you progressives are just a cancer and not that effective.

    By Blogger PCD, at 28 December, 2006 12:05  

  • >>many of the old-guard everyday folks choose to identify with their neocon oppressors, because of extremely negative past experiences with local Democratic machine politics

    Here is how conservative Boston & Mass are: both Senators and all 10 Congressmen, Dems. Gov./Lt Gov (incoming), Treasurer, Secy. of the Commonwealth, Auditor, Atty General,
    and about 98 per cent of the Legislature all Democrats.

    And yet AAR/prog talk couldn't make it here. (Though many voters are
    "unenrolled" but tend to vote Dem.
    though it doesn't help that the opposition party, GOP, is almost
    non-existent here, thus many officeholders run unopposed or have weak opposition)

    By Blogger raccoonradio, at 28 December, 2006 13:28  

  • if machine politics and intelligent voting patterns had any bearing on talk radio, anywhere else.

    PCD, why don't you take your POS, filthy self over to Iraq and make yourself useful? I'm sure there are some unexploded land mines you can be used to "test"...or maybe the Saudis?

    God knows, you're of no possible use to anyone here. You're nothing but a dumbass, and the most ignorant of
    Americans (which says a lot).

    By Blogger hashfanatic, at 28 December, 2006 13:43  

  • To use a phrase from the past, Hash, you are a useless eater.

    You are nothing but a cancer in Madison.

    By Blogger PCD, at 28 December, 2006 15:23  

  • PCD, obviously by your idiotic statement I can tell you never served in the United States Military. Enlisted Soldiers do not have fitness reports, Officers do (your obviously trying to do what those sorry ass chickhawks tried to do John Kerry, but it won't work with me). If you mean you like to see my Army Physical Fitness Test (APFT)scores, thats not a problem, I could send you a copy of my 300 PT Score on official DA Form 750. Another thing, Do you really hate this country, why do you sit on the sidelines as we fight for your freedom, do you dispise the United States Military? Why do you silently protest us by choosing not to volunteer? Do you hate America? As the President once said "Your either with us, or your against us" Looks like your with the terrorist. Oh yeah, in the Army the abbreviation for Staff Sergeant is SSG.

    By Blogger Iraq War Veteran, at 28 December, 2006 15:44  

  • PCD is apparently another useless blogger with the same tired rhetoric as another 1000 conservative blogs.

    I have to chuckle at the fact he maintains tight controls over his comment section but loves to come here and flame liberals.

    By Blogger none, at 28 December, 2006 15:56  

  • PCD=typical chickenhawk

    PCD=typical neocon liar

    By Blogger hashfanatic, at 28 December, 2006 17:10  

  • PCD=Coward

    By Blogger Iraq War Veteran, at 28 December, 2006 20:19  

  • Ssgt, did you leave the Army or were you PUSHED OUT? You tried misdirection, but the question still stands, were you going to be retained or denied re-enlistment due to your unfit attitude?

    Hash, where's your service, chicken?

    By Blogger PCD, at 28 December, 2006 22:00  

  • Didn't need to, chickenhawk.

    I actually graduated high school and college! I actually worked (gasp!)

    And I didn't need to rape a six-year-old so I could get some!

    You should volunteer, PCD! They say two heads are better than none!!!!


    By Blogger hashfanatic, at 28 December, 2006 23:47  

  • Actually PCD, I was medically retired due to the injuries I optained while fighting in Iraq in response to Operation Iraqi Freedom. So I guess your right, I was pushed out. Now please tell me about your service? Once again, the abbreviation is SSG for Staff Sergeant, you freakin chickhawk.

    By Blogger Iraq War Veteran, at 29 December, 2006 12:50  

  • PCD, please attack that!

    By Blogger Iraq War Veteran, at 29 December, 2006 12:51  

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